*I am copy pasting this from an entry a long time ago that had the story of my life... I admit i skipped a few details and i will be skipping more for the greater good... I will start adding to this again so check in from time to time if you are really interested.*
I look back and see the differences between now and then... the friends i grew up and the new struggle to find new friends... the need to say good bye to my past... I am tired of hiding it all inside... i'm tired of crying at night. I am different now and should face the truth. I am such a fool... i say it over and over again to myself... I am talking and talking to all of you but not really saying how i feel... i'm always so worried for all of you.... worried that what i will say could hurt one way or another...
I keep to myself thinking its better to hurt myself with these feelings inside than to let them out but they hurt so... The pain is getting stronger and it feels like i'm starting to cry... My dreams have been reflecting the what if's of my past and i'm scared to go to sleep... Scared because i'll see someone i loved or could have made happy! Or maybe... sad...
I had a dream one night earlier this month... it was about a day that was both happy and sad about 2 years ago. I went to NYC with two girls and a friend of mine... during that time many things had happened... I was going out with one of those girls... but i wasn't happy... i wasn't happy because the girl tended to make me sad b4... the other girl... was someone that made me smile.
The girl that made me sad... had a very long history with me... i loved her and would have died for her... why the two of us are no longer together... well.. lets just say she might have found someone better... who knows. I loved her for so many reasons... what a terrible past though... From the day i met her i knew i would be seeing more of her... a lot of regret that followed... a lot of mistakes... i don't even know if i should start at the beginning of all this... when people see big entries they tend to run haha... ahh what the heck... if you read you read... if you don't you don't.
well here is the tale i've been longing to tell from the start... a love life that will remain a bittersweet memory burnt forever into my mind. I was a sad one... always thinking i was useless, thinking girls this and that... heh a stupid fool for a middle schooler... my taste for girls would quickly drift left and right... giving me a reputation of a person who was always sad and depressed. The type who always puts themselves down when failed and always gets up and says i'm in love again the next. This will sound familiar again and probably sound familiar to some of you already. I pity those who can't escape this cycle... I am happy that i was able to. Reality only hit me when i truely lost something dear... my friendship with those whom i grew up with...
My friends would always try to cheer me up, always try to be by my side. we would hang out have our fun and just talk for hours and hours... it used to piss me off that i was the one that would feel shut down when the group got together. Yet when alone with a friend, fond memories were made. fond memories where time just seemed to stop just for those moments and then the second would quickly continue as the day passed abruptly without knowing... playing video games, watching movies, just joking around... being just about care free... cept for me always having a crush on someone... puppy love... BAH! hehehe
Then it happened... i made a new friend! a person who had a strangly good amount of things in common with me... A friend who would one day become the person i would call a brother to me and then become a person that i will hate for years to come... Raymond... that bastard... i guess if it weren't for him i would have been the ignorent type, but he triggered the years of thinking that continues on to this day... 8th grade... he hangs out among me and my friends... a few friends disliking him such as andy and my old group of friends... a few friends becomming closer to him like dan and dave... (sorry some names may come up again so i decided using names would be less confusing instead of using this guy and that guy blah blah) i loved one group of friends because the girl i liked was in it... the other was the one group that would always back me up... you could say they were my boys heh...
Ray comes into the mix... hangin out here and there... I find out that i was moving from NJ... Parents felt that it would be better for me that i had a change of environment with a number of incidents that occured... Me being the small wimpy boy that was easily picked on... The school knew why i hit a kid in the head with a bike chain but i was forever haunted by the students for it... To have a kid picking off parts of your bike... and saying what you gonna do about it wimp... of couse i gotta do somethign about it... right? wimp wimp wimp... thas what i was alright. My boys, andy and all of them were getting really into break dancing... i learned a few cheesy moves hah... the other group tho... grew very distant from me...
Sigh... the girl i liked... Kim... She was one of the friends that grew up with me... her and andy... at one point the two of them even liked each other... figures heh... well... my supposed to be last bday in NJ came around... i invited 3 groups of friends! it was amazing! it was like one very big hangout... two groups tied closer together by a relationship... the view of kim liking andy... and ray hangin wit kim... yea... you guessed it heh... and a group of friends from right down the street. Joe K. being one of them... they were all there! the day ended with a few of us just talking... Ray announced his crush on Kim to everyone who was still there (the girls were gone). yea... that night... i cried...
Sheesh.... over time thigns got rough.... ray supposedly said things about me that tore through my friendships... one day wanting to call dan and dave to hang out they said they were busy... what could they be doing... yea you guessed it... ray was over.... ray had been saying stuff about me and we didn't get along anymore... GREG IS A FAKE!!! GREG WILL JUST DRAG US DOWN AND HE IS ANNOYING TOO!!! i mean come one he is always upset blah blah... yea you get the point... well yea... days to come i hung out with my boys more... but longed to hang out sometimes with the other group of friends... the good times which i took for granted were changing... the friends who used to refer to me as THE GREG for having such a kind heart... wouldn't hang out with me in fear of a fight starting between ray and i... Along comes a going away party... i didn't know it was a surprise... so i didn't go... i hated the fact that kim and ray were dating.... i hated ray... so i hung out with my boys... the other group of friends were pissed i didn't show... BAH! We ended up having one later with a mixed group of friends anyways =) They zipped me up in a suitcase hahaha and threw it around!!! IT FELT LIKE A ROLLER COASTER!!! droppign me on pillows and stuff while i couldn't see what was going on outside... HAHA i even passed out when they forgot about me -.- bleh... Wakin me up by choking me with water in my face... never going to forget all of it... i lived an easy going life you could say... i was happy tho sad i was moving... Eventually when moving day closed in, andy and tim c. snuck a bunch of friends in my basement since we were supposed to clean it up for moving day haha... yea they got me a cake and everything... everyone was there... haha one friend showed up late ringing the doorbell when he wasn't supposed to =P the door opened and he stared at me saying uhhh surprise? Ray was even there, they all were like, we can't have you leaving on such a bitter note so yea he's here to say good bye too... haha... wow... realizing how precious my friends really were...
The day i moved there was a birthday party going on for Laarni... i hung out for about and hour or 2 then left... I made one last phone call from my house... I told ray to say goodbye to everyone for me... thanked him for being a friend even if things weren't so great between us... and to give kim a goodbye kiss for me... then hung up...
Heh yea... Off to Rhode Island i go!!!! haha... i rushed through all that... it was too far in the past... but it plays a big part in things to come... In RI i became homesick... tried to make friends but things weren't jus going right... i really don't like to tell the story of RI... This part is beyond painful for me but i'll say the main parts of what really changed me...
In RI its funny... first person i actually hang out with happens to be a real perverted, fat, slobby, jerk... my first actualy fight... The racism that i got and beign used for being too fuckign nice... The lack of people to talk to... MY GOD!!!!! the tears in my eyes... i longed to go back to jersey... the girl who at one point sed she liked me... she was called the teachers pet of the school... yea... well... agh i'll spit it out... she commit suicide... i barely ever told anyone this... my mom only found out from me recently...
to add to it... my big visit to NJ b4 the suicide was terrible... i went to a co ed sleepover swt 16... nobody really slept... we just talked... tho kim was there... honestly... i had good morals for a time. heh yea... hormones... was at that point where you get sorta sex driven ya know? Man... sorry if i'm writting this funny... these are really hard issues for me to write about... Anyways... yea holding kim in my arms... Colleen playing around with me with her finger running on the back of my neck... and lexi... yea there was so much going on...
I forgot to write about colleen earlier... she was one of those i went out with in 8th grade... screwed up part was that although it was only a week... people were saying she only did it because she felt sorry for me... or that i moved too slow and crap like that... she was the type who would drink and stuff tho... used to slit her wrists... i didn't know how to react to finding out all these things... i didn't know anything.... i wanted to know how to help...
but yea back to the party... that night i can still remember completly... the whole day i felt happy to be with them... but near the end i didn't know what to feel... i was playing Bust-A-Groove... i beat based game when suddenly lexi started hugging me from behind... i just let her hug me... i thought how we we all havn't seen each other in so long... a hug is harmless... it felt good to actually feel loved... things got a little carried away tho later that night... kim another girl and lexi were laying on me... saying i felt soft hah... iono ^^; but bleh... maybe i shouldn't be saying al this out loud but all of this is something i've been going nuts about... lexi ended up touching me that night as i did to her... i quickly pulled out of the room after commin out of that daze and washed my face off it the bathroom... i felt violated and disturbed... dirty...
the morning came and i left for RI again... my friends all ended up calling me or iming me... yelling at me... they all sed to fuck off and stay in RI... kim had told me lexi cried after i left and said i molested her... everyone hated me... the guys said that if i ever went to NJ again they would beat me up... ray had a death wish for me... i lost contact with everyone... and all i could do was cry in my lonely state... I never told them about wut lexi did... i only let them believe i was the one who messed with her... I cared for her and the rest of them like family so i didn't want to do anything to hurt em... So yea... i kept the fact she hugged me, kissed my neck and touched me... the pain of being in RI alone... The only things that kept me going... was talking with my stuffed pig... and playing my video games... yea... starcraft... I broke down in school a couple times... brother edmond who was the VP of the school (catholic school) put me in a clinic room with the bed thing... didn't let me out... he yelled at me to stop crying... to stop manipulating my parents because all i wanted to do was go back to new jersey... he told me my parents were on my way and we were all going to have a talk... the only thing i could do was stay quiet from that point on...
summer vacation came... i was going to be a sophmore in highschool, my parents made a deal with my sister where i would live with her in Jersey at our old house... That summer was amazing before moving i would be staying at different friend's houses and everything. I even went to a summer computer camp where i swore to be happy and make a difference in the way i had been! Joe K. and i were both at that camp together. i remember how one night he asked me... why did everyone suddenly start liking me... I felt like i was the center of attention being happy and outgoing... I placed a fake smile on my face at the time and that was what kept things going. I learned how to make people happy again and that was what i ended up loving to do... at the camp i made some friends with people who learned how to play starcraft with me, i even qualified for the state tournament! but yea i lost there =P Most importantly, i met my lil god sis there. Even today we keep in touch, hehe love ya vicki ya added to my reasons for a real smile.
Joe and i roomed together and even worked out together haha. he really was my best and only friend of NJ at the time... I was thankful that he and i were able to get in touch again. Him, Wayne and Andy... the three friends of mine =) Yeps i was finally back in Jersey and smiling despite the rough year in RI.
Soph year in HS back in JERSEY!!!! heh... things were okay... grudges were left alone... I had a hard time getting closer to my friends tho cuz my sister had me staying home most of the time... Things got so crazy tho with my sister that i ran away from home for over a day... i stayed overnight at andy's house and snuck out... i hated it living at my sisters... i felt imprisoned... Always needing to babysit my nephew and do chores... always having to go with them everywhere to run errands such as grocery shopping... Watch the house as it was getting fixed up... My friends were right within reach but i couldn't get to them... it was torture... To finally make it back to Jersey and yea...
Well i'm going to skip forward... no more about when i lived in my sisters... What later happened was that i was still in that stupid having a crush and falling for different girls phase... What did i know about a relationship... nothing... i just wanted a g/f thinking i could be a good b/f... i was such a fool... It was that stupidity of mine and the drama i put into it that really made a mess out of my life... Seriously... who wants to hang out with someone always depressed... My friends were there for me though always making me smile... This is where i met a good friend of mine... Tim Huang. Yep, becomming a junior and i was still an actor... Ray at the time was right... i was a fake... i'm sorry man... i cause a lot of shit for ya at the time all cuz i didn't understand. I caused a lot of shit for everyone, thinking nobody understood me nobody cared. When in actuality it was me who was pushing all these people all those who cared away from me... Many stood by my side even through all this... (there are so many names so i'm leaving other people's drama out of this one cuz there were side stories as well). So yea... hence the reason on my other xanga that i thanked everyone for being there for me while apologizing at the same time... I started to change... but not enough!
Three things molded my feelings and those were my friends, family and anime... heh go figure ^.^ Anime made me the dreamer that i am. The person who is trying to be as rightious as possible... friends helped lift up my spirits and family played a big part it allowing me to finally grow. Ray... you and i never got along... i understand why now. i was really the pain in the ass always causing shit and yea you got pissed. Thas why you acted the way you did to me. shiet... heh wells the past is past no? Anyways i started my quest to make people smile more here. just everyone around me, i just wanted people to be happier even if i weren't happy. i was silly and always smiling when i could, though of course i got upset when it came to girl issues hehe... girls girls girls blah... that again... truthfully though i actually started to wake up from that whole phase.
Everyone around me had gotten used to my drama and probably overlooked it. To me though, i was growing, i was smiling for a reason and it became something that was no longer fake. The people i saw as innocent and pure were my reasons for being strong and making the world a better place! that is where it started. what really set this off was a major lesson of mine... the girl who actually went out with me! i mean WOW!!!! >.<
By her request i'm going to hold off on the name, but i must say now... you gave me the most memorable times of my life... a reason to have hope. Thank you. Wells here is where all the major drama falls into place... Me being the silly smiling child that i was... with a history of being a fool embedded in the minds of all those who knew me... it could be understood why things went the way they had... obviously the past plays a big part of your present... this is why i am writting all of this. FINALLY LETTING IT ALL OUT PHEW!
Well i'm going to refer to this girl by another name so it makes it easier..., actually i should be changing all the other names... bah... Seriously i'm sorry to all of you who have read so far and have felt offended... i did not realize people were actually reading this xanga except for a select few... i guess the name gave it away. heh... stupid me... Anyways i'll refer to her as Miaka cuz it has a bit of a meaning to it for meeh haha (sorry).
Anyways i had first met miaka when listening to the school orchestra practice... honestly... i loved music. something about it pulled me in. I was in the mood for makign friends so i was basically saying hi left and right to a few new people. it just so happens that when walking home i saw Miaka and her sister ehh... um... (need a name)... Mayu heh... i dunno. i'll stick with that. Yea back to the story ^.^... Well i saw them going into their car and decided to say hi! it just so happened that they were nice and friendly tooh so... yea i gave em my sn and they sed they would im me! hehe hurray! i got home in a hurry got online and BOOM one of them were already iming me. we talked for a while and something about the way she was intrigued me... Miaka and i just got along pretty well. Just so happens we ended up talking more and i had a crush on her. (yes you can tell more detail here cuz all of this means a lot to me). Well yea... obviously i asked her out but something else happened b4 then.
Well yea i found out that the orchestra, band and choir were going on a trip for a week... so i held it off the big question until she got back... during that time she was embedded in my mind. I thought of her as a reason to be stronger in what i do, i reason to really smile and erase the fake clown face i had put on. so yep... when she gets back i went ahead and well... made my move. i asked her out! woah i just realized something out of this one heh... i'll explain it later if i remember...
(side note: For all of you who are afraid i might say some secrets and things that are really private... understand now that as we grow older... realize that these things were a natural part of growing up... i've learned a lot... thank all of you! I learned when i used to say things about others they were always bad things... honestly though... why would we have gotten close at all unless there were some good memories? so yea anyone reading this please don't get the wrong idea, we are all learning)
Don't get the wrong idea people, i'm not sad hehe i'm happy. Sure i look back at the good and bad times but they made me stronger (hopefully). Okay well yea back to part about the great Miaka hehe. Anyways... to my surprise she said yes! i was happy and excited all at the same time. We had long talks late into the night on the phone and everything. I got lost in the moment that i don't even remember what i used to talk about. What kind of person was i when i first went out with her, it all seems to have changed that i don't even remember the greg of the past. What i do remember is that the day after there was orchestra practice and of course i went with a smile. What shocked me though were these two guys it completely changed my mood... made me think more of what could go wrong. The two guys, uhh need names... Bob and Dole hehe i dunno... yea well Bob and i became friends later, Dole well... thas another issue... The two of them clearly didn't feel right about me... prolly they heard rumors of my past... Anyways yea the two of them threatened me saying if you do anything wrong to her we'll come after you... Dole especially took it seriously... of course i had a worried face... and asked why would i do anything wrong? i was confused and worried about what i had gotten myself into. Dole basically said he was serious about it but that if i don't do anything wrong don't worry about it... Miaka later came and pulled me out of the crowd as i walked away from the school with her. She asked me if i was okay and yep quickly i smiled and said yep.
I was so happy to be there with her just walking on a warm day. It was nearing the end of my sophmore year actually... wow i almost forgot i met her that early i kept thinking junior year... She came with me to the little latchkey ceremony and tutoring thingie for the little kids hehe. but b4 that we stopped by my place to pick up something i wanted to give her, a nice big pikachu heh. i originally wanted to ask her out holding the pikachu in my arms staring at her but nah hehe... mom sed no @.@ so yea she carried the big fluffy yellow stuffed animal with her and sat next to me with all the lil kids and stuffs... i didn't want the day to end! Later that day tho i brought her back towards the school and yea... my first kiss... outside surrounded by trees with a calm surrounding... it was good bye from there... brought her back to the school and eventually she left. Yea i went home smiling =P
Being with her went on for about a week with the nice talks on the phone and everything. We were getting to know everythign about each other more, and i loved the way she was. The way she acted and talked, sigh sho cuute =P. But suddenly i saw ray talking to mayu... i found out they all met that week during the music trip... I figured he was the one who said stuff about me... but i let it go, i couldn't let ray ruin the moment. Suddenly Dole im's me... we talked and talked... He hated my idealistic way of thinking... it actually bugged me how negative he was... but yea... One day Dole messages me saying that he doesn't like me... Not only that but that he like Miaka and is going to break us apart...
An entire week passed since our first day together... on that day... Miaka broke up with me. I wouldn't believe it... not after all this... Actually i was pissed because i knew he broke us up... What startled me even more is that the two of them ended up going out... and the two of us stop talking for about a month... finding out that she liked Dole for a while already and it was her chance to finally go out with him since he broke up with his g/f... for the first week yea of course i cried... i realized it wasn't like all the other one week little flings i had... those oh i like this girl and that... i missed her... but i was happy for her i guess... she was finally with someone she liked for a while. I finally let go and wasn't angry anymore.
Time flew by and it was summer, Tim and i had been hanging out more along with me hanging wth a couple of other friends like andy and stuff.. I heard from tim one day that he had been hanging out with Miaka and Mayu... to my surprise he had a crush on Miaka... i was surprised! I thought well she has a b/f doesn't she... Tim had told me though that Miaka and Dole broke up a month later... Dole knew that she would leave me for him... He only wanted to break us up and dated her to see if things might work... He really didn't even like her... sigh... Miaka i understand now more maturely why you left me... it isn't something to hold a grudge on...
(i havn't been continuing this much but i'll try to remember the tag names i gave everyone)
I realized when you finally have the chance to be with someone who you felt never gave you that chance, you take it. I was only with her for a week, but something special about her kept her in my heart. Tim, asked if i had feelings for her still and that if i did i should try again. At that moment nothing was left in my mind but her... schooling and responsibilities swept away from the drama in life, I set my eyes on a new goal. I became determined to become something again but this time it had to deal with grades and being a DJ. Attempting to let all my past wither behind me, i eyed my new goal and went for the image i needed. Dole was smart and had a bright future, something i realized i was jealous of at first then pushed to surpass.
The new school year came and i saw Miaka more often. I visited her in the halls onoly to see more of ray. In all honesty, ray and i believed we were still one and the same, but now i look back and realize how silly that was. The only thing we had in common was the fact we saw life only in the way we wanted instead of really seeing the reality of it... peh... highschool. (i'll talk recap on ray later, something i missed). Well yep what can i say besides, i asked Miaka out again, and she said yes. From this point on began my dream world and life from a really closed point of view.
Now a little recap on ray before i go on. when i came back to NJ from RI, ray and i became friends again for a brief time. In all honesty, i never realized how annoying i had once been if i never though of myself as similar to ray. I remember ray telling me about how he prayed for me on the RI stuff and life all together comming back to NJ. How i had to deal with life under my sister... In reality i realized love or hate, there were things about ray i liked and didn't like. Ray was loyal to those that met certain reasons he made for himself to be loyal to them for. On the other hand ray and i became enemies again before Miaka even stepped into the picture... sometime along the way, i can't even remember but, as i talked to a friend of mine prikash i found something out about my friendship with ray. prikash clearly said to me, "i thought you and ray weren't friends." This was something i was unaware of, so i asked him why he would state such a thing. The answer i got was startling to hear. Ray stated clearly that he hated me and said it was because i was fake. So i held my tears back and tried to make people happy... it was the right thing to do, i wasn't about to always show i was sad.
Instead of being sad i felt infuriated with ray... surely he should have been more mature than to deal with matters in this way. I asked him what was going on and he clearly turned nasty on me. The end result was that ray still and will always have a thing against me. I felt he was being so imature... it was one thing to hate me and hide it for some time with a FAKE friendship. It was another to involve our friends in this mess... yep everyone already knew what ray felt about me, and to further advance it, instead of acting mature and not letting this go overboard it became this whole thing where everyone felt insecure about the two of us being close together. In all honesty, for the sake of doing what is right, ray you didn't hafta freakin like me but why the hell did you turn it into what seemed like a little war. I don't remember for what reason but you even threatened to have you and your freakin friends beat me up. I would never understand how insensitive to your friends and everyone around us you were. You could have easily let the shit go and let us become what normal people who don't like each other are like. We pass each other and only talk when we need to like for school crap. Anyways... this leads into more trouble sometime down the story...
Well yea Miaka and I were back together and more on the touchy side. always holding hands and hugging and just enjoying life... I still had a perverted side of me that i wish was not there but it was. My life with Miaka consisted of a bit of hanging out, watching anime and talking on the phone. i am really the clueless type... i learned from mistakes that i could never ever fix...
There were so many things that made me look as if i were a fool... always reason to be angry with me... but i learned never the less... just so people have an understanding... my mom and dad never understood anything to help me with... for example going to a bat mitzvah of a good friend of mine in jeans... my mom telling me to wear it... i felt like such a fool... or when it was andy's bday and he was supposed to be the first to take from each dish... and yea... you can guess what i did... always a reason for greg to be called stupid... more reason for greg to want to just shell up and not deal with such things ever again... telling someone you love them without really knowing them when it was really just a crush full of butterflies... Greg you just don't do those things... Greg what were you thinking... Greg are you stupid or something? a common word for me became sorry...
Well yep as i was with Miaka i learned a lot about relationships. A really really hard truth... While people were out there enjoying having a great time... i just wanted someone who cared and could care for. A personality i realized that was shaped by my past... Miaka was to be my first official love, the relationship that taught me how little i really knew. Heh and i thought i was learning a lot already...
Reality kicked in, i was officially in a serious relationship. What do you hafta do once you finally get past the impress the girl part... heh crap... for all i knew... you just had to keep doing stuff to keep the girl happy by loving, protecting, and being there. Stupid me... I wanted to prove i was different from other guys and that i wasn't a fool but honestly though, i really was and may probably still be that fool. How the hell do you become not like everyone else if you are trying to do what many can do... Oh i promise i'll treat you right! bleh... baka...
The start of this relationship was not easy... i had yet to be able to drive, and well... how the hell do you handle parents!? Damn was i shy... not only that... i knew not a single bit of how to speak any chinese language... SCREWED!!! It has been some time now so some of the incidents in this relationship isn't in chronological order but it serves its purpose... lets just say, i learned i wasn't looking from outside of the box just yet... hell i didn't see from outside of the box till 2 relationships down... All i knew was i had feelings for someone and i had MY feelings. As caring as i was... i knew little to be of anyhelp and would jump in to help blind of the dangers.
Sigh... and i wondered why anyone could hate me... i just wanted to help. My relationship with Miaka was pretty simple... At first we would go out to movies and the mall, possibly hang out after school or while her sister had to do other stuffs after school. We pretty much hung out at my place, either watching television or the whole making out thing... The whole first part of the relationship was just... nothing much yet, the meeting up in the halls as much as possible, taking walks around... When we couldn't be together we spent the long hours of the night talking together... sigh... good times. I hadn't realized it but we pretty much annoyed her sister making her drive us around... sorry Mayu... though that means nothing now. November came though and sure enough i would be driving!
Well now that i could get places, the relationship started to pick up more. Although we met during after school violin practices and other sorts, we started hanging out on weekends and afterschool. I was doing pretty good with my schooling despite all my hanging out. All i knew is that the only thing that really stayed in my mind was the image of me and Miaka together. As time passed the words I love you took a more and more serious turn... the two of us shared more time together but reduced our time on the phone...
Heh i can remember a lot still about some of the few things we did together... mainly window shopping... going to the movies, sitting watching anime together, hanging with her friends, playing video games but mostly DDR (i always let her win hahaha) yea... she picked up on that fact though and got annoyed... my bday present from her were these two ceremic jars shaped like mugs that when you put them next to each other they made a heart. On the two parts was a guy on one and a girl on the other playing DDR. heh...
She in so many ways resembled a little kid heh, in a cute way though. i remember a time when she held on to my pillow pig and brought it with her into the car when we were going to the mall. Hehe she wanted to bring it in!!! Yeep! >.< heh i convinced her not to though. Would have been cute but err... heh. Oh man... the times when she put a bib on me and fed me food haha... I would never forget one thing though, the grumble in her stomach. Always hungry and pointing at he mouth going, AH AH feed me!! Take food away from her and she would stop talking to you for days haha... I did everything i could to make her smile... i just wanted to be hers and for her to be mine. I wanted to always be there for her and be with her every moment possible. Being with her really was like being with an innocent child you never wanted any harm to come to. My first serious relationship, one that at the moment, never wished would end...
Unfortunatly, it is obvious that the relationship ended since i stated that there were more relationships to come... During my relationship with her though... we barely ever had any major conflicts. Not until the winter had begun to kick in... Before any major conflicts though there were a few things that happened. One major thing was that ray started going out with Mayu only to later break up with her... another major incident was tim going out with Mayu sometime during all of this but i can't remember when... sorry tim...
Sorry but the rest will need to wait... | 
